Dinner
by Exile Wrath
Summary: Cavallone Primo x Fem!Fran - Fran would always and forever hate the Cavallone family now. She was not a frog, she was human, damnit! And yet this creeper was chasing her, demanding loudly, "GET ON THE PLATE, DINNER!" ... Trauma, thy name is Cavallone Primo. Semi-OOC. ONESHOT


**Exile: Hello! Sorry for not posting anything lately, I've been busy with school and whatnot...**

**On another note, this is not a crack pairing. This oneshot fic is revenge on my friend that accidentally deleted one of my important documents for chapter three of No Logic... *dies***

**REVENGE.**

**Pairings: Cavallone Primo x Fem!Fran. ENJOY *trollface***

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Dinner

It was with a rather happy smile that one Cavallone Primo strolled through the halls of Varia HQ. It was the week of Halloween, meaning it was the week which the Trinisette bearers and their friends of the past were allowed to come back to Earth with their physical bodies, meaning Vongola HQ was having an onslaught of guests as Vongola Primo and his guardians had fun with twenty-first century gadgets.

On the other hand, Cavallone Primo, (who we shall now refer to as Stallone) was pacing the halls of Varia HQ rather than his own mansion because he was hungry for Dinner with a capital D. And not any ordinary dinner, either. The food that the five-star chefs could cook in the mansion could not satisfy the four-hundred-plus-year old's appetite. You see, he had a particular craving for _Frog_ at the moment.

A little ways off, Fran clutched the scythe Daemon Spade had given her, hiding under the dining room table. Normally, the young Varia member was stoic, even in the face of her senpai's knives, but this was a different predicament altogether. Belphegor had already been knocked unconscious that morning, now laying out cold in the infirmary. Xanxus was off in the training room, sparring with Squalo (she hoped they were sparring), Lussuria and Leviathan were off on a mission in Spain, and she was alone in the Varia HQ, fleeing for her...life. The staff had evacuated LONG AGO.

For some reason unfathomable to her, the moment she had woken up that morning, a man had been lying right next to her. On. Her. Bed. She had bolted up, and then he had raised a sliver platter from behind him, with the command that would haunt Fran the rest of her life.

"DINNER. GET ON THE PLATE."

Her first reaction was to give him a blank look, saying, "Creeper-man, I'm not a frog."

But then the raven-haired person had lunged forward and grabbed her arms, yanking her out of bed. (Thank God that the greenette wore Varia-quality bandages around her chest as well as boxer shorts every time she slept, or, well...) "You are a frog, now get on the plate," he said lowly into her ear, causing a shiver of instinctive fear run up her spine.

Fran socked the man in the stomach, backflipping away and poofing on her Varia uniform, grabbing her Frog Hat from it's customary spot by the door. "Who are you?" she asked in monotone, on guard.

"Cavallone Primo, at your service," he sang. Fran's eyebrow twitched. So this was the infamous Vongola Halloween Miracle. Now the question was why the Primo of the Haneuma's Famiglia had been in her bed.

"Please leave and don't bother me, old man," she replied, beginning to walk out the door. "And don't appear in people's beds. It's creepy, and it makes you seem like a pedophile."

"But do you know how fond I am of frog meat?" he asked abruptly with a rather sadistic smile.

Fran blinked and started backstepping out the door. "No. I don't. Was it necessary for me to know? No," she deadpanned, stepping away with every word, her senses screaming at her to get away.

"Dinner, get back on the plate please," Cavallone said with a wide, wide grin, striding towards the girl.

"..." Fran threw a dead frog at the approaching man. "There."

He ignored it, saying, "Oh, dinner, are you a cannibal?"

"No. That was for you." With every step backwards she took, he stepped closer. "I don't eat frog corpses."

Cavallone Primo was grinning insanely now. Any bystander could see he was a handsome men, really. He WAS Dino's ancestor after all. Black hair swept to one side, kind brown eyes, a peerless smile, tall height, fair skin...the Halloween Miracle always caused the dead ghosts to come back with their twenty-eight-year old bodies.

But right now, Fran felt like she was being eye-raped by that creepy stare. "No thanks. It's not cooked," suddenly, he was right in front of her, "But you are~" he breathed into her ear.

The illusionist had never vaporized away so fast. _Thank God that last year, Daemon Spade taught me to transport using Mist Flames! _She thankfully thought to the Primo Guardian. "I...don't get it." _Play dumb, he'll get bored and leave!_

For a moment, the man looked disappointed, "It's okay." Then that unnerving stare returned full-force. "NOW GET ON THE PLATE."

Fran took the opportunity to materialize a silver platter and chuck it at his face, which he dodged as it exploded in the background. "GET ON THE PLATE OR I SHALL HAVE TO FORCE YOU, DINNER."

Fran took off sprinting, rummaging in her coat pockets for her Mist Boxes and Hell Rings. "Why do you want me on a plate?!" she yelled in deadpan, but her voice cracked nervously at the end.

"TO EAT YOU."

It was at that moment that Belphegor walked out of his room, rubbing his eyes under his bangs wearily. Fran had never been so glad to see him. Vaulting over his head, she dashed around the corner, praying that the blond would be feeling nice enough to get the creepy Cavallone away from her. "HUMANS AREN'T EDIBLE, SIR!" she cried back as a retort, disappearing to escape.

Bel blinked several times. "Shishishishi~ who are you, annoying my little froggy?" he laughed, silver knives appearing in his hands. Cavallone's eye twitched, but he simply continued chasing Fran. When Bel threw the knives, Stallone just smiled knowingly and dodged all of them like a boss, jumping forward and kneeing Bel in the face, sending the prince flying backwards. One hand grabbed Bel's neck, and the man smiled politely.

"My dinner is my frog," he grinned sadistically, tossing Bel out the window and continuing after Fran.

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"Get the fuck away from me," Fran demanded, backing away with a formidable scythe in hand; Daemon Spade's scythe, to be exact. Not only had he taught her to cover distances with Mist Flames, she had the honor of wielding a copy of his signature, Mist-Flame-amplifying scythe. Quite a useful weapon, especially for an illusionist like herself. Slamming the pole into the ground, a nine-headed Hydra appeared, snapping its nine sets of fangs at the approaching Cavallone, who knowingly grinned. With ease, Sky Flames appeared around his body as he flicked a whip out. Seeing her horrified expression, he grinned, "I borrowed my Decimo's weapon especially for this visit."

The illusion was petrified by the Sky Flame's Harmony factor, and Fran continued fleeing, vaporizing once again in mid-air. Cavallone pouted, seeing that she had escaped, but then his shit-eating grin returned. After all, the thing that excited a predator the most...was the chase.

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And that was why Fran was currently hiding under the giant dining room table, curled up in fetal position and a protective illusion around her. She had never thought that anyone would terrify her to this state. Even Nappou-shishou and Dae-shishou didn't affect her this much.

The tablecloths lifted up behind her, and in her sulking, the teen didn't notice her stalker's creeper-status grin or the fact that he had found her. With a practiced flick of his wrist, Fran was abruptly jolted from under the table, and strong arms wrapped around her as a husky voice that could make all females within the ages of five to fifty swoon whispered, "_Dinnertime, Froggy~_"

A scream barely tore itself from the Mist's throat as Cavallone happily decided to eat dinner. Where the barbeque sauce came from, no one knew. The scream was cut off as his mouth latched onto hers, tongue sucking and licking his "dinner". Fran's shrieks turned into whimpers as she promptly passed out due to trauma. Cavallone 'tsk'ed and simply dragged the limp teen back to her bedroom.

Every Halloween now, it was a common occurrence to see Fran hiding behind Daemon Spade and avoiding Cavallone Primo at all costs.

It was also common to see Chrome and Mukuro hellbent on Dino's ass, wanting revenge for lending his whip to the Primo.

But in the end, Cavallone was able to have a special Frog Dinner, with a side of soy sauce and leeks, and barbeque sauce.

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**Exile: MuaHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA - REVENGE COMPLETE.**

**Review? :DD**


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